Oh 'Pooh' You!

Usually my Blog is 'Disability' related, and though I welcome readers from all walks of life - no pun intended,  I think it's safe to say that this one may apply to everyone. If you're brave enough to admit it that is!


Let me set the scene for you:


April 2011 had arrived and along with it, came April showers a-plenty. This particular day however, was unseasonably hot.
My Fiancé & I had decided to take our usual stroll into town. As usual we wheeled side by side, and as usual my electric wheelchair was towing his manual - He's not lazy, it's just that my chair is far superior than his, obviously. 


We know these pavements like the back of our hands, so our usual routine of Wheelchair Slalom - aka Dodge-The-Dog-Shit had begun. But our time in town was brief: He became hungry, and me, well, mother nature beckoned. McDonalds seemed the best bet, while he ate I could pee.


Patience is not my forte, I wanted to be quick, a place full of screaming kids and pre pubescent staff members is not my idea of fun, but never get you're hopes up in McDonalds: You're hungry again in less than an hour, and you couldn't fart in their tiny toilet without unwillingly broadcasting it!


He's food arrived, so I finally went to relieve myself. 


There I am sat on the loo, happily going for a wee, when suddenly Mother Nature's "Number 2" crept up on me! - Ugh! don't you hate it when that happens! No biggie, I'll just carry on. But looking around I realise: 


There's not a shred of toilet paper in sight, not even paper towels! 
So I did what I thought best - I stopped. 


But it was too late!


There was a knock on the door:


Me: [panicked] "Someone's in here!!"


Staff: [gormless] "Oh, erm, 'got some loo roll here.


Me: "...Right.


Staff: "D'ya want it then?"


Me: "Well I'm not gunna open the door while I'm still ON the loo am I!?"


Staff: "K'then. Bye.


He left.... and took the toilet roll with him.


What the COCK do I do now?!


....


I make my way back over to my Fiancé Tay, he was just finishing his drink - I looked a little more then frazzled.


Tay: "You okay?!"


Me: No.


Tay: "Why?"


Me: "I think I've shit myself."


Tay: What??


Me: "... I think I've shit myself."


Tay: "Well what did you do that for?!"


Me: "Oh yea, I love shitting myself babe, It's my only true vice!"


Tay: "...."


Me: "I'm going home for a shower."


I made my way home as quick as possible, paranoid that people thought I smell - of course i did! Paranoid that people could tell my pants were full of Poo - of course they were!

I hate McDonalds. It's shit. 

Chaz! xx